Right now I am sitting on my bed in my favorite
city in the world, Asheville, North Carolina but in 67 days I will be stepping
off a plane in Conakry, Guinea. If you had told me a year ago I would be
spending five months in Africa I would've questioned your sanity. My plan after
graduating high school since I can remember was to go to straight to college
for four years, but in March 2012 my plan came to a halt. That winter I gave
into a God I didn't know and my life changed dramatically. For months I had this
overwhelming feeling on my heart that God wanted me to do something else,
something more with my life. I am extremely interested in the medical field and
a career as a doctor of some sort (ER or Dermatology) and in February I began
my search for medical based mission trips. Without a professional degree (M.D,
Nursing, etc.) of some sort, it's very difficult to find a medical mission trip
willing to take on, well, "extra baggage" such as myself. After
countless hours of searching I stumbled on an organization called Mercy Ships.
Mercy Ships is a medical based organization bringing the hope of Jesus as well
as providing health care to countries all around the world. I applied as a
"General Steward" and after three weeks of prayers and waiting I
received an email at one in the morning while laying in bed saying I had been
accepted to serve on the Africa Mercy from January 2013-May 2013. I literally
broke down in tears and it was in this moment I saw just how powerful prayer
is.
How exactly does one prepare for this kind of
journey? My flights have been booked, my housing has been arranged, and I'm
trying to learn as much french as possible, but there is another type of
preparation needed before I am ready to leave: Spiritual preparation.
I have been feeling a roller coaster of emotions for the past seven
months, but one emotion that has been consistently interfering with this
preparedness is fear.
I'm terrified of this new place I'm going. I'm
scared I might not be able to help these people who need it so badly. I'm
scared of missing my family, friends, and country. I'm scared about feeling
alone. I'm worried I might not pack enough shampoo or socks. I'm scared of
traveling across the world all by myself. I'm scared of not knowing what's
going to happen in my future. I'm freaking out and it's distracting me from my
walk with Christ.
It wasn't until about a week ago when I realized I
have NOTHING to be scared about. I am living out the plan that the
GOD of the universe has created for me. He is holding me in His hands and
watching over me. He brought me to where I am for a reason and is guiding me
every single step of the way. He will never leave me and unlike my emotions,
His love is never a roller coaster. I have been trying to figure out how I am
going to deal with all of my worries and fears instead giving them to God and
seeking strength and courage from Him. One of my favorite verses is 1 Peter
5:6-7 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He
may lift you up. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."
I didn't realize I had been trying to deal with all of my emotions on my own
until recently and it made me spiritually, emotionally, and even
physically exhausted. We are God's children and He loves taking
care of us. He wants nothing more than for us to run to Him with anything we
are struggling with. When I had this realization, it literally felt like a
200 pound weight was lifted of my body.
We as humans easily forget that we are not and
never have been in control. We exhaust ourselves in trying to take over the
reins of our lives and get caught up in trying to determine our own outcome.
What if I don't get this job? What if my significant other breaks up with me?
What if I get a bad grade on this test? We get so caught up and forget that God
tell us to "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). God knows
the plan for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11) and when we submit to Him, we
are able to live out His will for our lives. When we let go and let God our
soul is restored, our minds are comforted, and our fears and worries are
quieted. We all need a constant reminder of the refuge in Jesus Christ and it's
not until we take shelter in Him, we are finally able to rest.
There is no doubt in my mind there are going to be
times in the next 67 days when I am going to be a wreck. Fear, worries, and
doubt will grab hold of me again, but I need only to seek the face of The Lord
and lean not on my understanding and He will make my paths straight (Proverbs
3:5-6).
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Corinthians 12: 9-10)
